


Of insomnia, grief, bad parents and friendship

by Blue_Pen



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Don’t copy to another site, Gen, Good Morgana (Merlin), Grief/Mourning, Growing Up, Insomnia, Loss of Parent(s), Morgana-centric, Sibling Bonding, Spoilers for Morgana's lineage, Uther's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 21:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19838893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Pen/pseuds/Blue_Pen
Summary: Because Morgana has kind heart and she deserves having people believe in her. Modern take, will add more characters.





	Of insomnia, grief, bad parents and friendship

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter lays out how I dealt with their lineage in my modern take.  
> First bonding with Arthur.

Morgana almost never slept well since she was a child. She would turn and turn just to fall into fitful sleep interrupted by nightmares. She kept waking up others with her screams and sobs, so before she turned nine years old, she got her counselor.  
Worlds troubled and disturbed were thrown around, but who wouldn't be, having her mother die and her sister found to be the daughter of her mother's lover only days after (some rough-looking man who shown himself at funeral to the shock of Morgana, Morgause and Gorlois). And then, when the grief was still fresh, having another man, Uther, dad's friend, demanding paternity test for Morgana after his own wife died. It would be enough to make anyone troubled or disturbed, but apparently fate needed more, so after the results came Gorlois had heart attack (apparently not the first one, just the first he wasn't able to hide) and died. He was able to move forward after realising wife infidelity for the sake of his daughters, but he couldn't deal with the betrayal of his best friend added to that.  
She suddenly was an orphan (or half orphan, like that was better), knowing her mother wasn't who she claimed she was, and her father wasn't even her father - she couldn't use her fond memories to comfort her. She had her sister taken away from her to her biological father, who barely gave them time to say their goodbyes. And she was suddenly a daughter of Uther, the man who betrayed Gorlois, who had his home full of photographs of his late wife - and claimed to love her very much, but had son just a few months older than her - so her mother must have been already pregnant with her when Uther's precious wife gave birth.  
So she had full right to be disturbed, and if her sobs kept her new 'father' up at night, well, more power to her. She hoped he will never be able to sleep soundly, and never be able to bring home another woman to give them more half-siblings. 

Her new brother had taken to her easily, apparently not as much disturbed by his father being irredeemable villain, not much caring about anything at all (although Morgana's shrink asked her to give the boy a chance, reminded her that Arthur just lost his mother and found out about Morgana, so he probably tried to salvage what remained of his family while making effort to let his new sister feel welcome). She hated that he could be so thoughtful while being the son of Uther, she hated he was so nice to her even when he seemed so indifferent to most of the other people. She wanted to steer clear of people like Uther, and Arthur was too much like him, but also he was the only one who really made effort with her - and she couldn't let go of that.  
So maybe she felt a little bit bad her disturbed state kept awake him too. 

Soon she found out that he could be surprisingly tactful when it was important. Few weeks after she moved in with them, she woke up in the middle of the night another time in a row with a yelp. After just a few minutes there was a knock on her door, and behind them Arthur, looking unsure but at the same time determined, like only he could be (although he claimed it was family trait she shared - she didn't want to consider that thought just yet). Her brother brought with him a book and a blanket, asking to stay and read to her. She wanted to say no - just because she wanted to hate him, wanted her mother, Gorlois, her sister with her, and because she didn't want anyone to see her like this. Then he explained, more honest and vulnerable than she ever heard him, that his momma used to do this for him when he had nightmares (when he was younger, now he was to old for nightmares - she was too tired and surprised to argue he was her age) and she had a though that maybe he needed it as much as her. So she let him stay and read to her, and with time he learned when the day was bad for her and she would need company. 

After that she felt that as much as she wanted her family whole, her father not being a villain and her mother a traitor, she couldn't regret having Arthur for a brother.  
The thought made her felt sick, like she was betraying Gorlois memory, and she wanted to talk to someone, but it couldn't be Arthur, she couldn't admit that treacherous thought to her sister, and the shrink was paid for by Uther, so he was a part of the problem. 

So she had her brother, but she felt all alone, now in her nightmares choosing Uther's family over her own.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. In next chapters I will add Gwen, Merlin, and characters will age.


End file.
